That James 'the Coach' Thorogood bloke drives me crackers. He's at his desk when all of a sudden he starts jumping for joy as if he's scored an injury-time winner to clinch the title. Yes, he made a good start to the Official Fantasy Bundesliga with a Matchday 1 total of 128 points, but I'm only 16 off the pace.
We all know that a coach is only as good as his scout, but that's a topic for another day. So while James bathes in the glory of his mini triumph on the opening weekend, I'm going to run the rule over some of the Bundesliga's standout performers during the international break. Some really surpassed themselves, but that does not necessarily make them a good pick for Matchday 2.
About Flo: From shoe sizes to the number of goals scored in training, Official Fantasy Bundesliga Scout Florian knows everything there is to know about every single member of the Bundesliga's all-star cast. He claims to have discovered Fritz Walter and Franz Beckenbauer, and now he wants to share his talent-spotting prowess with you.
Christian Pulisic (Borussia Dortmund, midfielder, 8.9m)
Dortmund midfielder Christian Pulisic is a great example of what I'm talking about. The 17-year-old broke three USMNT records in wins against Guatemala and Trinidad Tobago, but is unlikely to have done enough to play his way into Thomas Tuchel's first-team plans for the trip to RB Leipzig on Saturday evening.
Watch: Christian Pulisic is making waves for club and country:
Breel Embolo (FC Schalke 04, forward, 12m)
Now, you would expect Bundesliga newcomer Breel Embolo to walk into the Schalke team to face FC Bayern München on Friday night. The 19-year-old Switzerland international forward played a blinder against UEFA EURO 2016 champions Portugal on Wednesday night, scoring the opening goal in a priceless 2-0 win, but even that does not guarantee he will start on Matchday 2 against such high-profile opposition.
Fabian Schär (TSG 1899 Hoffenheim, defender, 8m)
Perhaps Embolo's Swiss countryman Fabian Schär is a safer bet. The 24-year-old defender did a brilliant job of keeping Portugal's forward line quiet and is a regular for Hoffenheim. His long-term value cannot be underestimated.
Watch: How to play the Official Fantasy Bundesliga:
Julian Brandt (Bayer 04 Leverkusen, midfielder, 14m)
For those willing to delve a little deeper into their pockets, look no further than Julian Brandt. The 19-year-old dazzled as a substitute in Germany's World Cup qualifying win away to Norway, and only found himself on the bench in Mönchengladbach on Matchday 1 due to his recent exertions at the Summer Olympic Games. Now, though, with Hamburger SV visiting the BayArena this weekend, his time has come. And if like me you're a big fan of his style, now is the time to act. His price will only rise.
Alfred Finnbogason (FC Augsburg, forward, 7.9m)
Augsburg's Alfred Finnbogason won't cost you quite as much, but he will deliver consistent results. The Iceland international scored within five minutes of his introduction in midweek to salvage a 1-1 draw against Ukraine, and he already has form on SV Werder Bremen soil, having scored the equaliser in an eventual 2-1 win at the Weser Stadium last season. You can't argue with that!
Ah, and here comes James. I must say, though, he's looking a little worse for wear. Someone appears to have sprinkled a few peanuts into his coffee, even though he's allergic! Oh well, these things happen. It was an accident - Scout's honour!