Just because Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang fancies his chances of beating legendary sprinter Usain Bolt in a footrace does not automatically make him the fastest player in the Bundesliga.
The Borussia Dortmund petrolhead is quick - there's no doubt about that - but he is not the quickest. That particular honour belongs to Borussia Mönchengladbach and USA wide man Fabian Johnson (22.1mph). Eat dust, Auba!
Johnson has been tearing up Bundesliga flanks since 2009, when he made his debut in the German top flight for Wolfsburg. The Munich-born flier's stock went through the roof at Hoffenheim, and he has continued to grow for club and country in Mönchengladbach.
Watch: Gladbach's Fabian Johnson in action
Johnson is only narrowly on pole in the speed department, mind. His nearest challenger, Aubameyang, joined Dortmund already with a turbo-charged reputation in summer 2013, but tends to spend most of his time these days scoring goals - a league-high ten in the Bundesliga after eight matches in 2017/18.
A couple of Bundesliga old boys can claim to match Aubameyang on the track, with Artjoms Rudnevs and Jan Rosenthal both reaching speeds of 22mph.
The remainder of the top 10 is made up of players all maxing out at 21.9mph, albeit with some colossal surprises in the form of Dortmund defender Sokratis Papastathopoulos and ex-Bundesliga counterpart Jan Kirchhoff. You wouldn't want either of those to run into you at full-tilt, that's for sure!
Bundesliga's fastest players* vs. nature
1. Budgie 26mph
2. Fabian Johnson (Gladbach) 22.1mph
3. Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang (Dortmund) 22mph
4. Artjoms Rudnevs (ex-Hamburg, Hannover and Cologne) 22mph
5. Jan Rosenthal (Darmstadt) 22mph
6. Brown bear 22mph
7. Karim Bellarabi (Bayer Leverkusen) 21.9mph
8. Sokratis (Dortmund) 21.9mph
9. Jan Kirchhoff (ex-Mainz, Bayern and Schalke) 21.9mph
10. Mame Diouf (ex-Hannover) 21.9mph
11. Mathew Leckie (Hertha Berlin) 21.9mph
12. Ihlas Bebou (Hannover) 21.9mph
14. Coyote 21mph
15. Cow 20mph
16. Dachshund 15mph
17. Brachiosaurus 10mph
*Bundesliga data collection began in 2011